Hear, hear!

Yesterday was a big day for me. In so many ways it was ordinary; Prayer Breakfast in the morning, a  meeting at church and planning meeting with a wedding couple. Then in the afternoon I had an appointment at the hospital in Cromer.
When I was an infant, I suffered with pneumonia. A result of being poorly at a critical stage of development was that my hearing was impaired. In my right ear, I've only ever been able to hear the lower frequencies. I remember going for annual hearing tests throughout my school years, and being told that the impairment was permanent, but that I would probably get along just fine.
Since then, I've found noisy and busy environments difficult. If there's a lot of 'chatter' or background noise, I lose people's voices and can't follow conversations. This is one of the reasons I was never much into pubs and clubs when I was younger. They were so often a miserable and isolating experience. It's probably also one of the reasons why I enjoy sound engineering and radio production - sound technology is a great leveller!
About 10 years ago I felt like my hearing might have got a bit worse, so I went to the GP and was referred for a test. The test showed that my left ear was perfect and that my right ear was impaired, just as I remembered it, in the high frequencies. Due to hopping around between health authorities, they couldn't compare with my childhood records, but the consultant felt that as I'd coped with it for so long, I would probably continue to cope without any intervention. He felt a single hearing aid might just confuse my brain and make it worse. I suppose I was reassured that everything was OK, and I carried on as before.
Then came a change of career. In the last 8 years, I have gone from office-based work to the life of a parish priest. Now, being a vicar involves a fair bit of desk work, but the biggest part of it is being with people and interacting with them. Sometimes it's easy because, like my Wednesday engagements, the numbers of people are small and the environment is quiet. But quite often, people choose to tell you deep and meaningful information over coffee at the back of church, whilst the organ is still playing. Or in the pub over a pint. Quite often, the important bits get crowded out by the noise.
Of course, I've learnt lots of tricks to try and keep up with conversation. I try to sit with my good ear towards people, I cup my hand around my ear, I read lips, and I guess an awful lot. But after nearly 8 years of ministry, it became clear that I needed to explore my options. I'd admired a friend's new hearing aids (which he said were brilliant), and I thought I'd go back to the GP. He referred me to the ENT department, and I went for a test. The test showed what I already knew; that I can't hear high frequencies in my right ear, and it doesn't seem like much has changed since my last test.
When I saw the ENT consultant this time, I explained my situation, and he thought a hearing aid

might be worth a try. The technology has come on a long way, and he thought I'd be able to cope with it. So yesterday I went back to the hospital for a hearing aid fitting. And what an excellent experience it was. My audiologist was superbly skilled and knowledgeable, and after 20 minutes I came away with my very own hearing aid.
Now it's very early days (it can take 3 months to adjust to hearing aids) but the signs are good. As I left the hospital, I heard the birds singing through my right ear with a clarity and beauty that I have never experienced before. I suppose that given my left ear is perfectly fine, that might seem like an odd thing to say. I've heard birds before, so what's the big deal? But it was a strangely spiritual and emotional experience for me. There's probably some deep theological reflection I could do on the topic, but for now it's enough to note the experience. And that's why I chose to write a post this evening. I wanted to mark an important moment in my life with a few thoughts and reflections, before the sound of birds in my right ear becomes thoroughly normal.
And before I sign off, I need to applaud the NHS. Whilst it's taken a while to get to this point, I've been absolutely impressed by the level of professionalism and care by an organisation under incredible strain. Keep up the amazing work!

A New Chapter

The dust has started to settle on our mammoth move from Lancashire to Norfolk, and I have now been licensed and installed as Team Vicar (Designate) in the Aylsham & District Team Ministry. Before the move, we were given a wonderful send-off by the people from Clitheroe, Chatburn and Downham. This included a number of very generous gifts, which have helped us to furnish our new home. We left Lancashire with many happy memories and a tremendous amount of good will. We miss Lancashire but are starting to settle into life in East Anglia.
So now the next chapter starts as we start out in village life. Cawston is great! It has more than one would expect for a village of its size, with an excellent pub, deli and general store. As well as a Primary School and Village Hall. It even seems that this rural idyll is also home to more than its fair share of digital enthusiasts and professionals; amongst them one of our neighbours, Kaori.
So we're settling in and getting near to the end of the unpacking. The signs are good that we'll be very happy here, and I'm already enjoying getting stuck in to serving the parishes to which I'm licensed.
Look out for more updates...

A blogging curate?

It's been a while since I last posted. Lots of water under the bridge. Massive milestones. I'm now an ordained deacon in the Church of England. After a long time of discernment, upheaval and training, I am now a curate in Clitheroe.

Blogging as an ordinand was relatively simple, but now I'm a curate it feels different. Partly it's because as an ordinand you deal often in hypotheticals. Your practical work is controlled and contained. You can blog about the issues you're encountering in college quite easily. But once ordained, you are embedded in a real parish situation with real people. The issues you discuss, as an ordinand, in abstract terms are suddenly real people's issues. And unless you keep your online persona completely secret, your parishioners will be reading your posts. Anyone who knows what's going on in the parish will be able to join the dots.

So I'm a bit puzzled about where this blog will go from now on. Any ideas in the comments please. I feel I ought to continue, but I need to work out a way that can happen without it becoming very dull.

For those in peril on the sea

Yesterday I was involved in the funeral of Don, who had been Merchant Navy man during the war. The service was a superb tribute to him and to all his comrades who worked to keep Britain's supply lines open despite the prowling U-Boats. The Sheringham Shantymen (several of whom had RNLI pagers on their belts) gave wonderfully moving renditions of a couple of traditional farewell sea shanties, and we sang 'the Naval hymn', from which the title of this post is taken.

Today was my day off, and following an afternoon of DIY labour in my father-in-law's house, we took a stroll along the sea front in the early evening. As we got to the sea front, I noticed that the sea was looking a little rough - too rough for swimming - then I saw three people in the water very close to one of the groynes. We soon realised one of the three was an RNLI lifeguard, who was doing his best to prevent the two teenagers from meeting a gruesome end. We watched as the lifeguard successfully got them round the groyne and onto the beach. At that point, the RNLI lifeboat, which had just been scrambled, roared onto the scene about a minute too late to offer assistance.

The lifeguard had rocketed along the seafront on his bike after getting the call. He'd gone straight into the water, despite the crashing waves, the strong currents and the jagged rocks. When he came out, he was clearly exhausted, but his first thought was to assess his patients and tend to their needs. If he hadn't been so quick to react, I think there would have been some significant injuries, and possibly deaths.

Two striking reminders in as many days of the importance of those whose calling is to protect people around our coasts. Don's favourite poem was read at the funeral yesterday, and it spoke of the unsung heroes of the merchant navy. I have long thought of the RNLI as contemporary unsung heroes, and that they should be state funded; what I witnessed today confirmed this for me.

More news from the coast

It seems to have been some time since my last post, and as LittleLanky is fast asleep beside me and DrLanky is downstairs marking some OU coursework, I have a rare opportunity to blog.

The last few weeks have been busy in my placement. Since the Petertide ordinations and our mad dash to Lancashire, I have been worked hard in the parish. Funerals (and related visits), Weddings (plus rehearsals), Fabric committee meetings, extraordinary PCCs, sermons... plus the usual involvement in Sunday services - reading, deaconing, serving... you get the idea.

After six weeks in Sheringham it's starting to feel like we've done this particular experience now. I have a week and a half left on placement, and we've begun to psychologically adjust to going back to Cambridge. It's been good to be here, but we now want to go home.

Placements like this one are meant to do many things for the ordinands. Learning new things, having new experiences, seeing the reality of parish ministry etc. But the single biggest thing it's done for me is to point out that I really want to get into a curacy, and get on with ministry. I'm happy to embark upon a second year at theological college, and this blog will all too soon be overtaken by academic concerns, but my experience of parish life in Sheringham has got me excited about getting on with this priesthood malarkey. That's probably a good 'learning outcome'!

We should start to get the first clues about where I might be going for a curacy at some point in August. I seem to spend many of my rare idle moments impatiently speculating about where the bishops might want to put me. When that part of the process starts, I expect I will have to be quite tight-lipped until things are confirmed, so whilst I might have some news soon, I won't be able to post anything here for some time. The truth is, I just want to know! Patience is a virtue I haven't quite cracked.

On the positive side, test cricket returns tomorrow. The prospect of a climb to the top of the world test rankings, and a scrap with former England mastermind, Duncan Fletcher, are enough to get me skipping with excitement! Shame I have a funeral tomorrow afternoon, which given the distance from here to the crematorium will occupy me all afternoon. And we can't get Channel 5 here. Do they have an online catchup service?

An amazing privilege

Today's round of pre-funeral visiting has reinforced a view I already held about priesthood; the feeling of privilege at being allowed into people's lives at the most difficult of times.

I felt enormously privileged to be able to be with people as they planned the funerals of their loved ones. Both women we visited today were truly grateful for the visit from the parish priest and me. Watching my supervisor and the way he operated was truly educational, and I feel lucky to be working with him, but the real privilege was being permitted to be with people; not delivering pithy answers or platitudes, but simply being with them for a little while, and letting them know that they mattered to the church and to God.

One of the things that has stuck with me from the Pastoral Studies course I sat this year is that, as a culture, we have forgotten how to grieve. Today reminded me that a large part of the church's role in a place like Sheringham is to give people the support and the structures in which they can be allowed to grieve. I always knew funeral ministry was important; today just confirmed it for me.

The good thing about a 2 month placement is that with these, and probably the next few funeral visits I'm involved in, I will be able to be involved in the funeral itself. This is important for me as funerals have always been my emotional achilles heel (I'm a bit of a blubber when I get going). But as I get further into training, I feel like I'm starting to bring it all into a kind of professional perspective. That's not to say that I think I can turn off my feelings - I hope I'll always feel things deeply - but I think I'm starting to see what my role will be as a Priest. Just don't ask me to define it just yet.

Reflecting on Rev.

A lot has already been said about Rev. and I don't feel I need to go over old ground by repeating every comment I've read recently. The Guardian have carried an interesting round-up of opinions from real clergy, which I found interesting, and the Church Mouse links to a number of reviews in his Friday round-up.

There are four things I'd like to add:

1. Please BBC can we have another series? We need more of this kind of thoughtful and relevant comedy, even if the licence fee gets slashed. This should be the 'bread and butter' of the BBC's comedy output.
2. I liked Dibley at the time it was broadcast. It was good fun and lighthearted, and the characters were appealing, though not in the slightest realistic. The arrival of Rev. has made me realise that Dibley didn't actually do much for the church (I concede that it wasn't necessarily meant to). It was so far removed from reality, that it was just comedy. In my opinion, Rev. is in a different league. It still exaggerates and caricatures the people of the church, but the characters remain believable. And it isn't just the characters; the stories are very real to those of us in the church. The reality of the characters and the stories mean that we aren't just laughing at comedy, we're laughing at ourselves. With the best will in the world, most of us would struggle to say the same about Dibley.
3. I thought the final episode was the best, though I know some found it a bit bleak and dark. For me it spoke about some of the hard realities about ministry (such that I appreciate them). I've known a number of clergy over the years who have had to resign following affairs, one of them very recently and quite close to home. As part of my preparation for selection, this was an area that I explored with my vocations advisor (not that I'm thinking about having an affair), and I came to realise that the clergy are human, and humans often err, sometimes significantly. It doesn't make it easy to come to terms with when it happens, but I think it's the only conclusion I can get to when I feel let-down and disappointed by the actions of those I respect. So Adam's attempt at flirtation with the headteacher (right under his wife's nose) was a part of the programme that made me think a bit! 
4. I thought that the way the writers concluded the episode was a reminder of the gravity and responsibility of the priestly vocation, and an affirmation of my own vocation. Despite the best efforts of the world, we seem still to need God. And most of us still need someone to help us to find the space to approach him amongst the business of our lives; especially at the times in our lives when we are facing change. I suppose Rev. has confirmed to me the potential difficulties of the path I'm following, and it's affirmed my motivation to carry on despite those risks.

Vexed by vestments

One of the things mentioned in my information pack from Westcott is that I should probably invest in some liturgical vestments:

Though not essential, it can be very useful to have some of your own liturgical garments while you are at Westcott... The most useful article by far is a white cassock alb.

Having done a spot of internet research, I am underwhelmed by the web efforts of the UK's vestment suppliers! I suppose I have been conditioned by Amazon.com and the like, to expect that all the product information I need will be immediately accesible online. This isn't the case with many of the suppliers I've looked at. On some sites there are very dated photos showing clergy in typical 'catalogue poses', on others there are hand drawn pictures of garments with no photographs. 

Am I asking for something unreasonable? If I'm to invest £100 in a garment, it would be nice if a bit of effort has been put into the webpage so I know what I'm getting for my money.

Of course, the alternative route will be to visit one of the suppliers to see the vestments 'in the flesh' and try some on. The problem is that there aren't any in our area. The nearest would be a branch of Wippells in Manchester - maybe I'll give them a try, though they are responsible for the photo above!

Are there any wearers of cassock-albs out there who might be able to give me some hints? I've never done this before.

Feeling philosophical

Auguste Rodin's Le Penseur

For some reason, I've come over all philosophical about our impending upheaval. I don't mean in relation to the physical move or resettlement. Rather, I'm thinking about the change of mental pace I'm about to experience.

Whilst my current work is challenging in a number of delightful ways, it is rarely intellectually stimulating. In fact, the only time it is intellectually stimulating is when we have a disagreement in our management team meetings, and an 'argument' kicks off.  The mental manoeuvering reminds me of Philosphy seminars, when you would go into the room with firm conviction behind opinion A, and you would leave the room an hour later with a firm conviction behind opinion Z (having travelled through the whole alphabet on the way).

You can imagine, then, that I look forward with a mix of excitement and trepidation as I contemplate a 2 year degree in Theology (for Ministry). My degree was in Philosophy, but this is quite different from theology. And it was 9 years ago! I'm a bit worried that my mind has been dulled by the monotony of everyday working life, but I suppose I just have to work on the basis that it's a bit like riding a bike. 

I have tried to get myself prepared by doing a bit of reading, but as any parents among you will know, there is little spare time in a house where a 9 month old baby lives. I seem to get 4 or 5 pages into a book before having to start it again because I've left it too long before coming back to it.

As if by divine intervention, as I have been typing this post I have received an email from Westcott with a mammoth number of attachments (15 in total). One of these is a reading list which I would have hoped to have dented by now (but haven't). Looks like I'll have to stop procrastinating, and have a look at the email.

Good advice from the Vicar's wife

This is one for the future for DrLanky and me (and possibly LittleLanky). The Vicar's wife has posted 10 tips for clergy families to survive life in a parish setting. They all seem sensible, but I can imagine they're hard to implement at times!

Why are finance forms always the same?

My current job is in a context where finance forms abound. I'm well used to the various formats and the different ways of thinking about money, and I'm accustomed to the tendency to use shorthand phrases and acronyms which mean nothing to most of the population. It shouldn't surprise me, therefore, that I have a number of questions to ask the DDO about how one is meant to fill in the 'family budget for ordinands' form which is due this Friday. Having not been an ordinand before, this is all new to me! I'm also not familiar with the various benefits and tax credits for which we may be eligible. One of the problems is that if I apply for any benefits or credits now, the assessment would be based on my current salary, and not my impending student status. If I don't get actual figures based on an actual application, I can't really put anything on the form.

My job for this evening is to do a bit more internet research. After that, if I still have questions, I'll give the DDO a call. I'm sure this could be simpler!
91 days

Thinking about September

As some of you will know, the Lanky tribe will be moving south (and East) in the autumn for a major change in our lives. I've accepted a place at Westcott House (Cambridge) to train for the priesthood, and we'll be moving down there in September.

I've spent some time this week lining up a meeting with our potential landlord, and it occurred to me the other day that we will have to give notice on our current house this month! That means we have to start deciding moving dates and end dates for my current work. It really is starting to become very real! 

At the same time, though, both MrsLanky and I are excited by the opportunity to start something new when many of our peers are settling down. We're daunted by the move away from our home of 10 years (we're going to miss Lancaster), but also energised by the leap of faith we have chosen to make. We have no real idea where we'll be in 5 or 10 years time, and it feels great!

My key reservations about Cambridge are as follows:

• No hills in Cambridge - mountain biking a bit dull
• Lake District very far away
• I will be a proper offcomer (northern terminology) for the first time in my life (MrsLanky knows all about this, being a Southerner in the north)
• Less rain than the Northwest of England; possible withdrawal symptoms from the damp
• Distance from my family (again, MrsLanky knows all about this one)
• Probable unavailability of 'Lancaster Blonde' in Cambridge pubs

If you can think of any more, please add them to the comments...

What a week!

This week has been a difficult one! I came back from Cambridgeshire on Sunday evening, and I felt fine. By Monday morning, I was ill. I don't think it was swine-flu, but it knocked me for 6 and I was off work until Friday, when I nobly dragged myself in to work for an important committee meeting at which I was presenting a report. I still felt rough, but better than I had been feeling. Then this morning I felt rough again. I'm hoping that a restful evening of Eurovision kitsch will help me to recover further.

The good news is that during the week I was offered a place at Westcott House for a 2 year course commencing 2010. It now starts to feel like things are clicking in to place.

Cambridge

Mike Peatman's news about his new post made me remember that I should post about the occurrances of the past few days. The news is that, following a visit to Westcott House, Mrs Lanky and I have decided that in the autumn of 2010, we will be heading south to Cambridge for me to go to vicar school.

Regular readers will recall that I went to a BAP (Bishops' Advisory Panel) at the end of 2008, and that I was recommended for training for priesthood in the Church of England. The next step has been to think about where I will train, and for a variety of reasons, Westcott seems to be the preferred option. Our visit to the college lasted 24 hours, and it allowed us to get a feel of the place in a more authentic way than a short visit. It also gave us the chance to socialise with some of the current students, one of whom we know from Lancaster. The visit also gave me the opportunity to explore the different courses available to me.

Finally, through a friend of a friend, we managed to go a long way towards getting a house sorted too. We could live in college, but with a housefull of furniture and cats (only 2 of these), we thought it would be better for us to 'live out'. We've found a house which is just about perfect for us; within 10 minutes from college by bike and 1/2 an hour on foot. It also has a garden and plenty of bedrooms for guests and little lankies.

All in all, a very satisfactory visit!

School report

I thought I should post an update on the whole selection thing for those who are interested. The DDO came to see me the other week to go over the selectors' report from my selection panel in November last year.

The experience was a bit like getting a good school report. The selectors gave me a really good write-up, but it was a bit strange! It felt like they had met an alternate 'me' who answered all the questions correctly.

I now have to get my college application in, and it's looking like Westcott House in Cambridge is the odds-on favourite. As I'm not planning to start until 2010, I shouldn't have any problems getting a place or finding somewhere to live.

At this stage, it is becoming to feel a little more real, and a little more scary; particularly the financial side of things. Mrs Lanky and I currently bring in a fair amount of money every month, and it will be a big change for us to go down to a modest stipend for a couple of years.

I've been recommended for training

Now that's a bit spooky! Having just posted about the BAP experience, I have just discovered a small heap of post (mainly junkmail), and in the pile was a letter from Bishop's House. The letter says that the BAP have recommended me for training for ordained ministry in the Church of England.

I was fairly confident coming out of the BAP that all had gone as well as it could have gone, and I've been fairly chilled whilst waiting for the news, but it is nice to have it in writing. 

Now I've got to think carefully about training, and fill in some college application forms!

Reflections on BAP - part one

I said I'd post something about my recent experience of a Bishops' Advisory Panel (BAP), and this is the first opportunity I've had since we returned home. I did try to post whilst I was away, but the lack of wireless network and the frailty of Windows mobile, I failed in my aim. Anyway, better late than never.

I must make it clear that I do not yet know the recommendation of the panel (we were told that we would hear from our own bishop (or DDO) within 2 weeks of the end of the panel), so my opinions are free from the bitterness/relief that I may soon feel.

Having spoken to friends who have been through the process themselves, I was anticipating a supportive and friendly environment, and this is exactly what I found. I have to say, though, that even in a friendly and supportive environment, the process is very daunting. 

Part two to follow soon...

Nice surprise

It's been a busy week at work, and today has been particularly manic, as I've been preparing for another week of leave. This time, it's not so much a holiday. We're off down-south on Sunday, Mrs Lanky to her family, and me to Ely for a Bishops' Advisory Panel.

I arrived home yesterday evening to find a nice surprise in the mail. The Diocesan Bishop has written to wish me all the best for the BAP, which was nice.

I thought about blogging a bit about how I think the BAP works, but I then had the idea of leaving that until later. I don't know if I'll have time to blog during the three days of the panel, and I'm not sure whether it would help or hinder me. We'll see. Anyhow, at some stage, I'll say a bit on the blog about what it was like. you never know, it may be useful to other in the same kind of situation.